Brad the Earthling
by Lyrical Soliloquy
Summary: Riff Raff and Magenta must bring Brad to Frank's lab, but they're going on an adventure! They're going on an adventure, Charlie! Yeah, it's a crossover between Rocky Horror and Charlie the Unicorn... My first non-Newsies fic. I'm not on drugs. Seriously


"Earthling," Riff Raff growled into Brad's blue-tinted bedroom. He winced as Magenta elbowed him sharply in the side and turned his head to glare at her. "Er, Brad," he amended, clenching his hands into fists. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Magenta smirk and roll her eyes.

"Oh, get out of my way," Magenta said, pushing past her brother into their master's visitor's room. "Wake up!" Magenta bellowed, throwing open the curtains on Brad's bed.

"What? What is it?" Brad mumbled, struggling upright and reaching around for his glasses. "Is the house on fire?" he added stupidly.

Magenta and Riff Raff exchanged a puzzled glance. "No," Magenta answered after a moment's pause. "The master has requested your presence in the lab."

"Yes, the lab," Riff Raff echoed, irritated. "Now get up, if you know what's good for you." He leveled his pale, empty eyes at the newcomer in his most menacing stare. To his satisfaction, Brad flinched back against the pillows.

"I – I don't…" Brad stuttered, blinking rapidly. "I think I want to go back to sleep…" he trailed off.

Riff Raff and his sister once again shared a look, and Magenta stepped forward to take Brad's arm while Riff Raff, in his cold, distant voice murmured, "No. You must come with us to the master's lab." He took hold of Brad's other arm as Magenta towed him forward.

"Besides," said Magenta silkily, "Janet will be there, most certainly." Riff Raff raised one eyebrow at her over Brad's head, and she winked at him subtly. His thin lips curved into a malicious grin.

"Oh yes," Riff Raff said, "And all sorts of other… treats… as well."

Brad's forehead wrinkled, but after a moment of thought he shook himself away from the siblings' grasp and said, "There's no need to hold onto me. I can follow quite easily myself, thanks." He tried to glare at them, but the effect was somewhat lessened when Magenta gave him a cursory look-over from head to foot, and Brad remembered that he still wore only his underwear. He flushed, and both Riff Raff and Magenta stifled their mocking laughter with difficulty.

"Come," Riff Raff said, recovering almost immediately. He moved to the open doorway and motioned first his sister and then his charge through before shutting it tightly behind them, a ghost of a smile playing on his face the whole time.

Magenta took the lead, guiding the way through the ancient, creaking castle, occasionally checking over her shoulder to see if Brad was still following. The man looked nervous, constantly readjusting with his glasses and jumping at every noise. Magenta smirked at her brother behind Brad's back, but as she turned back, their visitor let out an alarmed squeak. Ahead of the trio in the narrow hallway, a figure crouched on the fraying rug, dripping wet. With a dismayed sigh, both Magenta and Riff Raff sprang to the aide of their beloved master's newest creation.

"Rocky!" Magenta exclaimed. "How did you escape the master's bedchamber?"

Rocky peered up into her face, but didn't respond. Instead, he let out a low, frightened moan and blinked a drop of rainwater from his eyes.

Riff Raff, standing over both of them, nudged Magenta and shrugged, indicating Brad, who lurked awkwardly in the hall behind him, with a twitch of his head. "We can't afford to waste more time, Magenta," he whispered. "The master will already be displeased that we have taken as long as we have with this one."

Magenta nodded and rose to her feet, leaving Rocky to cower on the floor. "Yes, we'll return later to deal with _him,_" she said, looking down her nose with disgust at her master's pet.

The group set off down the castle's twisting corridors and vaulted rooms again, leaving the frightened Rocky far behind. Finally, they arrived back in the chamber in which Brad had first encountered them mere hours before. Magenta walked briskly across the room to the lift, whose metal doors stood open and ready to receive them.

"Are – are you sure we should go on that thing?" Brad stammered, speaking for the first time since Riff Raff and Magenta had collected him from his room.

"Oh, come now, Brad," Magenta chuckled, though she sounded faintly annoyed. "It's perfectly safe, I promise you."

Brad looked mistrustfully at the old cords supporting the lift, but stumbled onto it anyway when Riff Raff lost his patience and pushed him forward. Brad opened his mouth to complain, but clearly thought better of it, and Magenta sneered at her brother behind Brad's back as she pushed the button that brought the elevator grinding into action.

Within a few moments, the doors opened again onto the garish, salmon-colored walls of Dr. Frank-n-furter's laboratory. It was completely empty. Brad balked angrily as Riff Raff tried to force him out of the lift and wheeled to face his guards.

"You told me that Janet would be here!" he shouted indignantly, attempting to keep the panic out of his voice. "Well, I don't see her anywhere!"

Before either Magenta or Riff Raff could offer an explanation, Columbia, Frank's other servant, appeared suddenly at the top of the wide, curved ramp that hugged the side of the room, flanked by four Transylvanian visitors. "Oh!" Columbia squealed. "You're here!" She turned to her right and muttered something to one of the Transylvanians, who raced away immediately. "Frank will be delighted," she added. "You're really very lucky to be invited up here again."

Brad scowled at her, his anger burning away any misgivings he had, and was about to give all three of them a piece of his mind before he was interrupted by the reappearance of the Transylvanian.

"Oh, good," Columbia said. She signaled to Riff Raff and Magenta, who stepped forward and took Brad's arms.

"Hey, what's the big idea here?" Brad protested as the siblings began to drag him towards the dark opening in the wall where the deep freeze chamber had once been.

"Oh, don't worry," purred Magenta, grinning at him. "We're only taking you to Janet."

Brad felt himself relax before his intuition kicked in. "Wait just a second!" he called, before Magenta and her brother paused at the door to the dark room and threw him inside.

"Goodbye, Brad," Magenta and Riff Raff said together, laughing and beginning to close the heavy door.

"Goodbye!" Columbia echoed from across the larger room, giggling.

"Goodbye? What?" Brad asked, thoroughly confused. Then pitch blackness fell, and Brad felt a sharp pain in his head before he slumped to the floor, unconscious.

Brad awoke later in a room he didn't recognize with a splitting headache and a burning pain in his side. "What happened?" he groaned aloud, holding his head with one hand. He opened his eyes and looked down at his side. "Damn it!" he swore. "They took my freaking kidney!"


End file.
